Is Your Online Friend Real? How to Spot a Romance Scam
Online friendships and romances can be wonderful, and many of them are real. People meet through social media, dating sites, games, and even by a “wrong number” text. But scammers also build friendships and romances, on purpose, to take money from people who are looking for connection. It can happen to anyone, smart and cautious people included, and there is no shame in it. Here’s how to recognize the warning signs, and what to do.
How These Scams Usually Work
It often starts with a friendly message from someone attractive and attentive. They’re warm, they write often, and they seem to really listen. Over days or weeks, the relationship moves quickly. Then something goes wrong in their life, and they need money.
Their story is usually that they live far away, work overseas, are in the military, or are a doctor or engineer on a job abroad. That’s the reason they can’t meet you.
Warning Signs
The relationship moves very fast. They say “I love you” or talk about the future within days or weeks.
They want to move the conversation from the site or app you met on to a private messaging app.
They always have an excuse not to video call or meet in person. The camera is broken, the signal is bad, or they’re always about to travel.
Their story has gaps. Details change, or they don’t quite match their photos and profile.
A crisis arrives, and it needs money. A medical emergency, a travel cost, a customs fee, or a business problem.
They ask for money in unusual ways, like gift cards, wire transfers or cryptocurrency, which are hard to trace or get back.
They suggest an investment, often in cryptocurrency, that they say is a sure thing.
They ask you to keep the relationship a secret, or discourage you from talking to family and friends.
They ask you to receive money or packages and send them on. This can be used to move stolen money.
What To Do
Slow down. Real people don’t mind taking time. Pressure is a warning sign.
Ask for a live video call. If they refuse again and again, take that seriously.
Check their photos. On a computer or phone, you can use Google Lens or upload the picture to Google Images to see if it appears under other names.
Talk to someone you trust, like a family member, a friend, or a bank employee. A second opinion often sees what we can’t see when we care about someone.
Never send money, gift cards or cryptocurrency to someone you haven’t met in person, no matter how convincing the story.
Never share your Social Security number, ID, bank details or passwords.
If You’ve Already Sent Money
First, please don’t be hard on yourself. Then:
Stop sending money, and stop contact if you can.
Call your bank or card company right away using the number on your card. If you sent a wire transfer, ask whether it can be stopped or recalled. If you paid with gift cards, contact the gift card company.
Report it at reportfraud.ftc.gov, and to the app or site where you met them. The National Elder Fraud Hotline is 1-833-372-8311.
Be wary of anyone who offers to get your money back for a fee. This is a second scam, aimed at people who have already been targeted.
Genuine Connections Are Still Possible
Meeting people online isn’t a mistake. Real friends are happy to video call, don’t ask for money, and don’t mind you talking to your family. If someone passes those tests over time, that’s a good sign.
If you’d like a calm, judgment-free second opinion on a conversation that’s worrying you, or help setting up your privacy and blocking settings, a Kendera Global session is a good place to start.
